Xsighted ME !
I am a blind guy who writes in poetry !
I am Xsighted and delighted to share my e- book and thoughts with you,
With new rhyming jokes and stories almost each day, brand spanking new !
I write Business,Christian inspiration,and funny stuff, my latest e-book KUNTRY KORN is loaded with humorous stories, sho enough !
Here is a sample of this blind man’s wit, direct from my e-book,my Kuntry Korn hit !
THE FUNERAL ! by Xsighted
It was Saturday night, time to bathe,
It was cold outside but I was feeling brave !
Once a week you got to do this down on the farm,
I went and got my tub out of the barn !
I was heating some water on the coal stove,
When a fancy car up my lane it drove !
It was Pastor Bill, coming for some white lightning ,
Fresh and strong right out of my still !
Howdy thar Pastor, how is GOD’S business today,
He looked at me and could only say,
We all got to straighten up and continue to pray !
Halla Loo Ya and amen came out of his mouth,
With a twang, and a slur, he was from the south.
So we sat down at the kitchen table and had a drink or two,
When he said something , right out of the blue !
Tommy Brown died today, we are taking up a colledtion,
For his widow Faye !
What happened, I asked ,His reply, it was a stroke,
On that note,I told him I was broke and started to choke!
Oh, he said you can give me a couple gallons of your,
White lightning corn, the widow likes to drink a little ,
It will help her weather the storm !
I agreed and handed over 3 gallons of my stuff,
Pastor Bill said that is more than enough !
I went to the funeral held a few days later,
After a couple of nips,I have seen none greater !
The widow Brown started doing some tricks,
She was doing back flips and splits and dips.
I never realized that Faye was a fantastic roller skater,
A couple weeks from now, I think I will date her !
ALIEN ENCOUNTER !
by Xsighted
Riding down a country road,Going home to my abode,
I saw this flying thing, It looked like a giant wing !
It had landed, As I pulled up into my barnyard,
A creature got out of the ufo,I said Howdy Pard !
He beamed,from head to toe, all aglow !
No place to run and hide,No place for me to go !
Thinking I was going daft,I could not move, and loaded
as I floated, Into his craft ! I was put on an operating table,
Hooked up to wires and cable ! There were now 3 of them,
Checking me inside and out,I could not move,I could not shout !
One of the Aliens was smiling,As he stuck his finger in my belly button,
And started dialing ! It felt like he was trying to make a long distant call,
He stood about seven and half feet tall !Another one was looking up my nose,
Another one counted my fingers and toes !The first one finished,then looked up my butt,
As the second one, was pushing on my gut ! I passed some gas, and blew a fart,
They all fell to the floor, like I hit them with a poison dart. It also awakened me , I got out of the craft,
And started to flee ! I jumped behind a big oak tree,
The craft flew above me ! Into the craft I could clearly see,
One of the Aliens was flashing ,His long middle finger at me !
THE RHYMING ASS !
by Xsighted
Farmer Bass had a rhyming ass!
The ass’s name was Gas.
He got that name from what he would pass !
Gas the Ass definitely had no class !
He would put people down,
he’d make you frown !
Farmer Bass went to the barn one morning,
Outside the weather was storming.
As he was milking the cow named Betsy,
Gas the Ass started to talk real testy !
You pull on that utter, like a disabled brother !
Man as a farmer you stink like the pigs,
On your bald head you wear those stupid wigs !
Your wife is as ugly as could be ,
you must be blind as a bat,
Her ugliness, You just don’t see !
Gas was letting his hostility flow,
Rheeming Farmer Bass from his head to his toe !
Man he said your breath smells like horse manure,
For your stupidness there is no cure !
You walk like a one legged lame duck,
When you talk, like a chicken you cluck !
Have I told you lately you suck?
He continued his verbal assault,
You are so dumb, but not your fault,
That’s what happens when,
a brother marries his sister,
Your Pa should have never have kissed her !
I forgot you were so fat, you look like a rat !
Farmer Bass continued his chores,
He fed all the animals except for Gas,
He was ready to close the barn doors,
Hey, said Gas, but you forgot to feed me !
That was Gas’s plea !
Farmer Bass turned to him and said I can rhyme too,
I am a very simple man, I only got two words for you !
HOUND DAWG, by Xsighted
Down on the ranch , was this farmer named Grady, he was the kind of guy that would love every Lady.
He would try and steal your woman, right in front of you. He was the kind of guy you would not want on your crew ! He was nothing but a hound dawg kind of guy, the kind of person some people wish would die ! He sniff the ground and bark around ! with his big ears he would hear every sound ! He would snupe around ! One day he tried to put the make on Farmer Grays wife, that was a big mistake,Farmer Gray was great with his knife ! He nutered that dawg right then and there, he relieved him of his you know what’s without a care ! Now Grady sounds like a lady, and walks real funny, with his wrist bent, he thinks he is a real cute bunny ! Grady has turned into a cute little lady ! I heard he changed his name from Grady to Kate, that’s the end of this story,you are now up to date !
The entire book is loaded with all great stuff, and for those that can’t get enough,
1years membership into my club with a new poem almost every day, your little membership dues help me and my family survive along life’s way !,
It’s only $19.95 ! As a bonus for joining my crew, I has a special offer for You ! A Four Great GIFT Certificate that features a carribean cruise for 2, get ready to sail the ocean so blue! You will also get a $1000 in grocery and $1000 in restaurant savings books to use as you choose ! A bonus gift, right now,for the ones that don’t snooze ! You also get a FREE membership in a special club called club cash cow,with real ways of making money, they will show you how ! It yours FREE it’s worth $98 dollars,given FREE by Xsighted to all of his followers ! You get all this for $19.95 for one full year,don’t miss out,if you do,it willmost likely bring you a tear ! Sign up on the website www.clubcashcow, don’t miss out do it right now !
No comments:
Post a Comment